an ordinary girl

I read the most utterly delightful and pleasant book yesterday. All.  Yesterday.  You see, the discovery of audiobooks have granted me the ability to cleave through and devour books and novels in their entirety within the passing of a single day.  There is no need to turn pages, to bookmark the current position whenever distraction looms, and the hands remain free.  Digital audiobooks are a terrific invention.

This book is Shiver, and it is written by Maggie Stiefvater, whom is as talented as the lovely Stephenie Meyer.  That statement alone may be enough to discredit my claims.  Yes, I believe that Stephenie Meyer writes well.  Yes, I am conflicted about her final book, Breaking Dawn, as I found the editing was atrocious and that several of her plot points left little to be desired, but ultimately I have decided she is still one of my favorite authors of this year.  And yes, I believe she is lovely.  Stephenie is a pretty lady.  Come on.  Admit it.

While Twilight may have revolved around the world of vampires and werewolves, the only mythological creature that Shiver introduces to us, the audience, are the werewolves of Minnesota.  Maggie’s werewolves take after those in Twilight by destroying traditional rules and expectations from the very beginning.  This is an author who is able to think outside of the box.  These wolves don’t become bipedal beasts that slather at the sight of the full moon, doomed to rampage monthly to devour the flesh of humans.  They undergo the change during the winter months.  It was a new concept which was strange to me, but I bought this book at audible.com and found myself curled up in bed at midnight, awake for long hours afterward until I eventually passed out at some unknown time.

The wolf pack and its system is complexly realistic.  There is an alpha, a beta, and several other members of the pack who have their own unique personalities.  While we do not meet each member throughout the telling of the story, we gain plenty of insight into the lives of those that did take a frontseat role.  There are moments when the author doesn’t seize opportunity to explore the individual identity of a character, but this doesn’t completely detract from the story.  After all, next year the sequel Linger will be released.  We can only hope that Maggie withheld choice tidbits in hopes of releasing or exploring it later.

A starving pack of wolves mauls a young girl in her back yard.  Contrary to the intention of his packmates,  young Sam rescues her from the attack, saving Grace’s life and falling in love with her.  Throughout the years, he watches her from afar, yearning to meet her and to get to know her, but knowing he is unable to do more than sadly observe her since he lacks a human’s thoughts and body during the winter months.  Equally obsessed with the wolves, Grace has watched them with each passing year, recognizing the one with the mournful yellow eyes as the wolf that saved her.  When a complication occurs that forces Sam into human form during the winter, the two meet and fall in love–but there’s one obstacle in the way.  Sam has been a werewolf most of his life, and is quickly approaching the last year that he may be able to change into his human form.

I’ve learned a great lesson in humility this week.  I should never, at any time, confess to having a crush on someone, because the resulting response is usually discouraging.  I’m that sort of girl that never has the best luck with men, in fact, my luck with men is so very weak, so disappointingly unsuccessful, that I’m once again on the relationship-wagon.  Dating is for teenagers.  As I haven’t been a teenager in some years, I should obviously put this behind me and return to my man-hating craze of refusal to accept even the most minute of smiles and compliments as genuine.

You see, I asked out somehow whom I was sure has flirted with me off and on for weeks, if not months, and the outcome was polite disinterest.  I’m discouraged, but my feelings are completely uninjured.  I can say this truthfully, without lying, as I had braced myself for an inevitably frustrating reaction.  I’m merely discouraged due to the rare moments where I’ve run out of things to do, my brood have fallen asleep for school, and I realize sadly, that I miss companionship that doesn’t run on four legs or live in a cage.

I must stop settling for less.  I must raise my standards.  I will stay alone until I’ve met someone whom I’m not simply tolerating for now because of one or two trivial fine points which aren’t really all that fine.  No one truly needs a relationship, or requires companionship.  It isn’t a necessary part of day-to-day life that I will suffer without.  I still consider myself to be very young, so this is a plus, I think, that I have not quite aged so gracelessly that I feel like an ancient cougar prowling the feels for prey.

Work was rough and the week was stressful enough that I agonized five pounds away without meaning to. I wonder if I’m developing an eating disorder, because it’s incredibly easy for me to go without proper nourishment until I force myself to have a bite of food. Lately, this is how I eat all of the time.

A few nights ago a correctional officer was caught in a wrongful act by another officer. This female was allegedly allowing an inmate to inappropriately touch her. This confrontation led to a showdown in the supervisor’s office, via paperwork, with results that have yet to be determined.

I could never understand what brings these women to the point of sheer desperation that a secret relationship with a convict seems worth the loss of a career. There are plenty of hardworking men out there in the world. There may be deadbeats, but there are good ones, too. I will never understand.

I’m a female correctional officer at an all male prison in Texas.  Occasionally, I’m able to break through the stressful grind of the long twelve hour shift with a good laugh at someone’s expense, however unintentional it may be.

So, twice, I’ve come upon inmates reading the Twilight Saga.  I love the books myself, can’t get enough of them and adore Edward despite his creepy levels of dedication toward stalking Bella.  Apparently, criminals love Edward too.

The first time I found a young black inmate reading the first Twilight novel of the series, he was in his cubicle within the dorm where I was stationed.  I recognized the cover of this worn, incredibly dog-eared novel and immediately began to giggle.  He stopped and stared at me, and I commented, “I’ve never seen a man reading that book before in the open.”  He stated that he’d found it in the men’s restroom of the dorm the previous day and had barely been able to put it down since then.  I died laughing and went to my desk, only to find this one inmate standing in front of it an hour later.

He quizzed me, asking me how many more books were in the series, if girls really liked men like Edward, and lastly, “Do they ever do it?”  I couldn’t stop laughing.  He was worried he wouldn’t find out if Bella ever sweet talks Edward out of his chastity since he couldn’t find the book’s original owner.

The next time I worked there nearly two months later, I was bored–he offered to bring the book to me to read, because he had kept it all of this time.  I politely refused, but I couldn’t help but find amusement that he still held on to it.

Last night, I found another convict reading Eclipse with such rapt fascination that I nearly choked on my gum while laughing.  He immediately asked what was so funny, so I remarked that I he was the second man I’ve ever seen reading this series, and also the second inmate.  He said, “Oh, that’s nothing, there’s a guy down the run with the entire series.  I’m borrowing this one from him now, and gonna get the last one when I finish this.”

Inmates are sharing Twilight, people.  Stephenie has really reached out there.  I asked him why he liked it–he told me that he loved the action.  There’s vampires, there’s werewolves, and there’s fighting.  The romance didn’t bother him because, according to him, every romance has some underlying romantic theme in it somewhere.  If a prison-tatted Hispanic ex-gang member can love Twilight and admit it, why can’t other men?

Or full of liquor. I”m a beautiful, single and young female that just happens to have a myspace account. I see nothing wrong with having a myspace account, although I mostly use it for news updates and befriending bands, artists, and people I know from work. You see, I love free music, so having a myspace account means that I’m able to surf bands and receive immediate news update whenever free songs are offered. I really am not looking for a man on myspace, so perhaps I should have clarified in my ‘about me’ rather than stating the impossible list of requirements regarding what I look for in a male partner.

I am looking for The Perfect Man (such a wondrous thing that it deserves nothing less than all capital letters). I have even gone so far as to state that I abhor those of the ‘gangsta’ mentality. If the greeting includes the words “Wut good, shortie?” then I want nothing to do with the man.

Tell me why after altering my profile to state the exact specifics of what I do and don’t want to be friended by, that is exactly what I receive?

I feel guilty for remaining at home, huddled in front of my computer during my time off from work. I should feel immense displeasure with myself for this, but I don’t. I’m glad for the break and I’ll make up for it sometime later. I think I was killing myself–rather than taking babysteps, I was taking big adult sprints.

I do, however, miss bicycling while reading Twilight and think I shall return to that for a while. As a woman in her twenties, I felt ashamed the day I bought that book, then I found myself completing it before the next morning had completely arrived. I went to the store and immediately purchased the next of the series. I had began a Twihard. Or, prior to my discovery of how enjoyable the series is, I had become a Twitard. Yes, tard, as in retard. I realize now that it was stupid to judge the entire series before I had even read them, a decision based on the disdain of others.

Something about Edward creeped me out thoroughly in the movie. It was the fact that he watched her while she slept, before they had truly begun any development. It bothered me that they fell in love so quickly. I was bothered by the Runaway Van Rescue scene in which he hops into the bed of her truck and hurries away–yet is unseen by others who are practically right there.

That drove me to reading the book, and I have to say, I’m no longer disturbed by Edward’s devotion. I was, however, bothered by his staunch refusal to ‘allow’ Bella to do things. What people forget is that Edward is a seventeen year old boy, and prone to making some of the same mistakes. The maturity and wisdom of being a ninety year old man cannot be overruled by his youthful age, or that his life was taken before he could truly become a man and experience the pains of dating, love, and arguments with one’s woman.

Edward missed all of that. This is the first time he’s felt love or interest in a female, possibly the first time in all of his life. In ninety years! If it were you, you’d be obsessed with getting to the bottom of this new found love too. I imagine that the inability to sleep only worsens the situation since he has nothing to do but think about Bella, and the way she makes him feel. He has already done everything. Much like my obsession with the gym, because she is something new that he’s never experienced before, he finds himself drawn to her.

More importantly, if Edward wasn’t so very devoted to lingering in the shadows, Bella might have died several times over. She is a danger magnet. She attracts trouble of all shapes and sizes.

After a long work cycle, I find myself sitting at home, writing to a blog that I doubt very many will find.  I’ve decided to consider it my anonymous internet diary.  If at least one person finds humor in the pages here, then I’ll know that I’ve had success.

I work in a prison.  As a female correctional officer, my day is never dull–or should I say, my night is never dull.  Working on the night shift is an experience that many could do without, including myself.  The men are sexist.  The majority of the offender population seem to have a difficult time accepting orders from a female that is shorter in height and frailer in build.

But when I’m not at work, I’m at home with my children.  On a whim, I rented the movie Twilight after receiving excellent reviews from a woman at a gym I formerly frequented.  Once I began to watch, I found that I was drawn into a world of beautiful vampires and their dizzily inelegant human companion.  I loved every minute of it, not including those small, rather insignificant details that stick out at a casual watcher.  They fell in love so fast; Edward seems a little creepy.  I bought the book and devoured every page before the night was finished, staying up into the wee hours of the night once my children had gone to bed . By the time I was finished, I realized it was nearly six a.m. and that I should roll over and go to bed.

One after another, I bought the succeeding books until I had completed the series.  Like many other women and young girls, I’ll wait fervently until each movie has been brought to live action.  Just as anxiously, I hope to see Midnight Sun brought to completion someday.

What else do I like?  Movies and videogames.  I’m a typical tomboy, dividing my videogame time between first-person shooter type games, and survival horror.  My favorite videogame of all time must be Fatal Frame, and I doubt that it’ll change any time soon.  Mirror’s Edge makes a close second for its revolutionary three-dimensional platforming system and interesting plot.

The above subjects are all that you’ll find here, with occasional  commentary on other topics of interest that excite me.  Some days I may post once, some days, none at all.  And then, there may be times where I have far too much to type.